November 10, 2007

Tomorrow is Veteran's Day and it made me remember my dad. He was in the Navy in WWII and earned 4 bronze stars. His ship was bombed 6 times. He suffered a nervious breakdown and had to go to Sun Valley Idaho for R&R before he went home. He suffered for years with depression and ultimately Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome was diagnosed after the onset of Alzheimer's Disease. As horrible a thief Alzheimer's is of one's soul, it seemed to finally give my dad some peace from the depression and nightmares. When I look at his Navy photo I see a youthful and hopeful young man. When I look at the picture of him with my daugher at her wedding, he seems to be somewhere else. Perhaps that's not as bad as it seems, for him, at least. This is the youthful photo when he still had dreams.

Here is a photo of him when he returned from the war with his mom, his aunt, his brother, and his father. Still looks happy, but not quite as hopeful.

And here is the photo of my dad at my daughter's wedding. Somewhat lost, but who knows where he might have been? He knew at some times who we were and had a lovely time. I remember he ate so much that the food got stuck in his dentures and he didn't know how to get it out so he spit his upper plate in the trash can. Fortunately, my sister-in-law, Abbie, saw it and fished them out. She was so kind to take them to the restroom and wash them out. Abbie is a nurse who works for a dental surgeon, so I guess she wasn't too grossed out. I don't know if she realizes how much that meant to me.

Dad's gone now. He died in 2003 in the beautiful VA hospital in Salisbury, NC. It is a beautiful place with a wonderful atrium. The staff is thoughtful and kind and considerate and treated him with love and kindness. We couldn't have asked for better care after my mom was no longer able to take care of him alone. I enjoyed visiting him there and taking him to the atrium. He always remembered that we were people he loved, though wasn't always certain exactly who - sometimes calling my mom sis and just hugging me. He often revealed his sense of humor in little ways like noticing that I had new shoes and he would pretend to try them and laugh. I took my mom to visit him every week. The VA hospital is about 20 miles away. We went every Wednesday or Saturday. It wasn't always convenient and I sometimes felt guilty thinking there were other things I needed to be doing. But I was always glad I went - that mom had a chance to see him and that I did, too. When we no longer had a reason to go, I missed those moments. We tried to go at lunch time when we knew he would be awake and mom would help feed him. Then we would usually go for a walk in the atrium. It really was beautiful with small waterfalls and large green plans and a little stream with short bridges that crossed it. I wish I had thought to take photos of it.

So tomorrow, on Veteran's Day, I will remember my dad and what a service he did for his country. And what that means to me now.